When parents get old…
Note: There are things which you don’t have the courage to blurt out unless inspired to. This one is partially inspired by the writing at Banno, Dhano and Teja and partially by a few incidents at home which always had me battling with it.
***
It could be anything, to start with-a needle to thread, a tired look, increasing wrinkles or just a statement, but they directly say it on your face-they are getting old.
The fact which it is, personally, I think is very hard to accept. Someone who has taught you how to walk, eat and what not, when you realize your parents are getting old, it’s a bitter feeling. They are like the evergreen umbrella you have, the shield which protects you, the balm that soothes you, the ones which look after you. Personally, I feel cheated whenever I think about mom getting old! There are times when even her simple statements tracing my growth make me think about the same.
When me and her sit, talking about old times over a cuppa or walking by through the lanes, she would happily refer to the fact that how her daughter was this shy girl who preferred sticking to home and how now I am traveling on my own without a fear and so…
And I think, what I should tell her. Should I tell her as well that how in those days she would work without getting tired, how she would take care of all three of us, how she never complained of aches and tiredness and how things have changed now? I dislike the fact that she gets tired so easily as compared to the old, good days.
The fact is the role reversal is hard to accept. And I’m shameless in putting it up here. The love never takes a step back but it is the fact that as you grow young, your parents grow old and then you’ve to tend to them.
***
P.S-Mom, I would never want you to read this one. For I know instead of getting worried or sad about the fact that you’re getting old, you would be more concerned that the same hurts me.
time has changed alot…sometimes i become sad when mom looks at the computer as if its a foreign thing, she knows what it is, but the expression she gives is such that it is so detached from her own times.
it feels nice to know your feelings in this way, if only we could turn back time. but i always believe they are at peace with what they see around them now, the would have expected the same…that the world is going to be drastically different in the future…
//how her daughter was this shy girl who preferred sticking to home and how now I am traveling on my own without a fear and so// the Daughter wants to see the world, love it, travel and then find recluse in majestic, peaceful places…sometimes. dreams come true, efforts make it so
@ GP
true ghosty…if we can only turn back time! I dont know if they are really comfortable with the changes…
“the Daughter wants to see the world, love it, travel and then find recluse in majestic, peaceful places…sometimes. dreams come true, efforts make it so” -u r kind with ur words here!
oh yes it hurts for sure !! a wonderful psot … surprisingly its the second one i read today on old people ..
maybe not in the same context, but do read this :
http://peaceencore.blogspot.com/2009/06/love-is-all-they-need.html
i was just thinking about the same today. finally having dad (or old man as i like to call him) back home after all these days was a little reminder of the same…each day he seems to be growing older. each day i seem to be growing up into what he once was. but with a lot of fundamental differences…
and it is the small things that highlight the passage of time the most. who is the first one to read the paper, the person whom the random sales-guy talks to, the person who takes the decisions; what the cook will cook, what time the maid shall come, where the new lamp shall be placed. there is a somewhat rough transition from father to son. and on some days each one of us feels that he could turn back time. to go back to being how we know things to be. never change anything.
as for my mother. i leave her back in time to a place from which we stepped out, each in to the world to live our lives the way we choose to. she never ages in the actual sense. she is like a fine wine that only gets better. and when we meet, all i see is my mother in a new light, but still the same as always. the most beautiful and the strongest woman in the world. my hero.
love the post. you caught me slightly ‘off guard’ with this one.
effing silly comment image!
…where is my barf bag?? i am going to puke!!!! :O
** I dislike the fact that she gets tired so easily as compared to the old, good days
true, it’s the same feeling I get when I see my mum getting old…it’s sad. cos I dun want her to be a helpless body sooner or later. Its hard for me to even picture it!
but I find comfort in the fact that it happens to all of us, not only to our parents. some day, we’ll also be like that and some of our kids will write posts like this.
Keshi.
@ Pretty
@ Nachi
“each day he seems to be growing older. each day i seem to be growing up into what he once was. but with a lot of fundamental differences…”
Thats what I may have forgotten to mention but yes-the “fundamental differences”…and the transition, I think, be it for me or my mom, you or your dad, its rough and tough on both sides.
Somehow, I can’t feel the same for my mom. She is ageing gracefully but maybe because she is the only one I have, I just can’t come to terms with the fact that she is ‘ageing’
Thanks for talking!
P.S-what comment image?
@ keshi
girl you are right! mebbe thats the only point we need to keep in mind that it happens to everyone, and not only my parents. That its gonna happen to us as well…
thanks!
the earlier comment display image that gravatar put up for me! but come to think of it, this one makes me look like a two-headed monster! *sigh*
…a toast. to all mommies!
@ nachi
yep..cheers..
So true so true!!!
I totally agree with you!!!
@ smita
guess its a universal feeling than …
Very true indeed. And the fact that they’re going to grow older still, makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. I guess, no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to prepare myself for it.
@ rahul
yes… it is an uncomfortable feeling…
i kinda like the fact that my parents are growing old… not as in because they have problems like reduced efficiency or medical problems, but because now i get to care for them… to do things for them… and to find that look in their eyes which is brimming with pride…
that one look is worth killing for, and worth dying for…
@ virus
taking care is a beautiful thing to do hun, nd i agree with the ‘pride’ factor to… whenever my mom says m doin good, i love it..
but do they have to get old for that? i want my mom to be there always… nyways, guess i shud leave it…
Believe it or not, it has left me misty-eyed because I have been thinking about these things myself. I get scared of even thinking about the eventuality. You always tend to believe that parents will always be there, people who you keep coming back to.
@ Reema…
I can so understand!
The concern felt by the youngsters today is heartening. So many times I look at my parents and remember them just as when I was a young girl. They are old , in their 70s, and for them I am still their little girl. They live with me and my sister dividing their time amongst their grand children. They feel happy when they feel useful. I agree that we should take care of our old parents but never make them feel that they cannot take care of themselves.Love them, look after them, give them respect and dignity!
I am greying myself and would expect the same from my girls.
Finally, some wise words….
“.Love them, look after them, give them respect and dignity!” guess that’s the mantra here.
And ur right, we always remain children for them…
Also the point about ‘never make them feel that they cannot take care of themselves’ is valid..
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Loved it….
Just i cant post my tears here…
I love u Momji….
We all do…..
I have also experienced my parents ageing. With age, how insecure they have become. And also how miser and cheap(I mean it) they have become. It is not that they have no money. My father has worked all his life in a very senior,well placed job. He has millions in his bank account but he lies to his children at this age(61)about small things. To see that your own parents who taught you to become honest are lying to you is a big shocking thing. My mother is very less educated and just believes her husband in every matter. She sticks to the fact that her husband is her god. Has someone any experience in dealing with such parents?