Posts Tagged ‘love’

Kauffee Life

The colors were not an imagination anymore, they were all around-brown, purple, red. The heels clicked their way, and in spite of all the chatter there was a silence she found. The silence she was starving for, a kind of calm to define which she couldn’t put in words.

Friends-she mused over the word as she watched familiar yet different expressions on his face. The laugh, the aura, the style, the chivalry-all was intact yet things had changed, the world had changed, she had changed or was trying to. For good or bad, was the question she thought she heard.

Couldn’t we talk, she thought of asking him-talk about all that I’ve been through, about times I really need you, about the bitter facts of today, about you and me, when we don’t remain us anymore.

And there were things she missed-small-stupid-silly-funny-but at the same time there was nothing better than the fact that they could still share a laugh, or coffee at times…

‘And it’s satisfying, well beyond it, the realization of the fact that yes; there -was-is- a man who loved you. It is a mean thing to do, to compare the part of love you’ve got with other things in the world or love itself-to weigh it-it won’t be a good choice, I feel’…she wrote down in her diary…

The shade of the evening got darker, the silence stronger and the taste of the coffee was wearing off. She combed her hair into a bun and wished she had let them grow.

Writing a story…

I wonder when I start this story, how should I begin it? Should I bring in curiosity or switch to diastolic movement of time to picture it for you. Should the characters be as they are or should I change them for the credentials of privacy? Where should I bring in romance, is it this easy to bring in it anyways? Or should it just happen-just like that? Is it this difficult for every other person who narrates a story or writes words to make them into one?

I plan the beginning as unimaginative as it could be. Maybe, a simple exchange of phone numbers in which none was interested, or could it be an unintended festival greeting and later, a phone call in return.

Summers are too hot for anything, you just sweat. Winters get too cold to have warm feelings, rains bring in a flavor but autumn suits them the best. Autumns, when the circle begins and ends, the season in which they meet and depart.

What would the time be like? Would the time fly by when they are with each other, or they’d talk and talk of love and longing. There would be coffees, sighs, cheers, kisses, songs, mischievous ideas etc.

And then the question-how to give them a perfect happy ending?! Anyways, are happy endings for real? Or maybe a twist would do so much better, just one twist and the romance turns bitter, maybe a hideous affair, or some secrets, a lover from the past, or a fight against parents. So many reasons but I still wish somewhere to keep it plain, to keep it happy.

And that all would go into this unwritten story.

A story-a love story, a ‘short’ story!

Or maybe, some stories are as ‘endless’ as this one!

Sunset(s)

*I didn’t understand him much when he asked me not to judge people.

*He also told me- do good and forget it.

* He repeated- don’t expect. Not even a smile! But that shouldn’t stop you from giving one.

* He quoted people. He had his favorites too. But I never really saw him ‘dislike’.

* He read books. He gave me a few!

* He told me stories.

* He said ‘Kid, I love you’

***

He died!!!

I thought I would never meet a man like him again;

I met him…

He went away too.

Only once…

Only once in your life,
I truly believe,
you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you.

When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

-Bob Marley

(Tonight, the words sound so right! Thanks to Americanising Desi for introducing me to these!)

She stared at her bags and then at the taxi-driver. His mustache was somewhat crooked and she was bothered by the speed at which he was driving. She was in a hurry indeed. But then she felt glad of being late and him being waiting.

She was angry at him for all the delays and being not-so-particular about things. I am tired of all this, she thought. Why should I always be ignored, why only I am making sure that everything is in place and on time? And then he calls up at the last minute only to say that he is already on his way, she built up her argument, knowing she wasn’t good at them, especially if the situation is least intended.

And then if something would go wrong, I would be the only one consumed in guilt for choosing it and hurrying on it, she lined a defense when her mind drifted to the excitement of seeing him in a kurta, which he loved for traveling purpose.

It’s his job after all; she confessed to herself but managed to resort back to a calmer annoyance about how things turned up that day.

Her line of thoughts changed again. She was wearing what he had gifted on her birthday and hoping that it would be liked. The taxi stopped and the driver opened the door for her as she paid him the money.

The drift of excitement was overlapped with annoyance again and she made her way through bags and people to reach him. She found him, struggling with a blue bag in one hand and coffee in other, with a look in his eyes which she knew meant he was looking for her. She took a deep breath and they walked to sit on the available benches.

She was looking for an opening where she could rant and rave, so she let him talk.

And I haven’t eaten since morning; this coffee is the only thing I have touched ever since…’ he said casually, speaking of the work pressure and the days events.

Aw honey, she thought!

In an instant she found her annoyance disappeared and she was left disappointed in self for being so unreasonable and selfish.

If only she could understand him better.

Hope

red desires

Least, I find you in my dreams. Then, there, it’s nothing but us. The world dissolves in the oceanic wrath, the clocks no more play and we stand on the shores of the eternal sea. And when I wake up, I feel like taking a plunge down into the hidden sea and I wish, you could have been there too. I don’t find you along those shores and the feeling is never acceptable enough.  Say, there is always a sigh close to it. A mute, expressionless sigh…

It’s a sad feeling, the way our hopes find illusions.

I could wait there forever but I know that soon we’d become past as well. Time has stained us, and left its mark upon us. I brush aside my dreams but reality is as confusing. The distorted images in my mind play havoc yet I clearly remember the way your skin smells. These memories were to serve the foundation to the new ones but they are being buried, killed, would be a better word!

And there is a thing inside me which is all calm. I am no more vulnerable, the fight seems to have disappeared, gone with the moments you’ve kept me waiting for you. There was a moment when I felt like shrinking but sooner I realized its you who had been caught off-guard. Unexpected. I want to stay as long as your wounds don’t heal, till the ache doesn’t subside for I know you can’t do it on your own.

Men are, in one way, a part of women after all!

At times, frustration soars through me and I want to disappear. But you reach for me in such times and I feel helpless. My thoughts drift on, to times when it would require courage to stay while the sky gets filled with black clouds. But your nonchalance doesn’t promise, ironically, it doesn’t leave a single word. You would often start with an ‘if’ and use a ‘but’ and I’m left looking for an answer, carefully choosing the right words to express the right feeling. Usually, I go wrong!

Hope’, they tell me.

It isn’t that real, I can say.

Despite that, I cling on to it alone, tired and weary.

One of my turns

There are no rains and the wait seems to get longer. The screams just escape now, into the dry air and autumn seems far away. Dreams, were they? Where in a land, it rained without a reason? Without a question?

I miss my coffee, books along with it. I miss the cocoon which I’d around me which made me feel safe. I miss the comfort of a knitted quilt and the white noise of the loud blaring TV even when none was giving it an ear. One can just talk to it endlessly. I miss the window from where I saw the world, outside, the rains, the storms, the hills and its natives.

I miss the warm hugs, the concerned scolds, the tantrums I threw, the look that I got for missing food, I miss the nights when I slept and slept without a worry.

I miss-Me. I miss-Life… I miss life in me or maybe I miss me in life…

Words…

Beauty was what she always associated with others. It was a phenomenon for everyone, except her. She had never loved mirrors. Never had she loved taking rounds in a frilled skirt, looking at its flow, imagining the blues, the reds, the whites spinning into one. It was always like that, it had always been like that, no matter what anyone told her.

It was just another hour late at night. They paid attention to each others soft whispers, relaxing in each others arms as he played with her hair, listening to her stories. He held her face in his hands, kissed her eyes and said,

“You’re beautiful…”

For the next few minutes, that was all she could think about.

Was she beautiful?

But knowing him, she could only doubt her own vague ideas. For there were more days to come and go when he would whisper the same thing into her ears and she would believe him. She never understood what exactly beautiful was, but she could feel it all around her. She could like colors except black and white and greys, she could know a blue sky or a sky dotted with jeweled stars, she could know how life could get beautiful from a deserted, rugged journey to a story where there is a prince charming and his beautiful princess, she could find a meaning in the images, the words, the sounds, the colors and what not, a beautiful meaning.

Thus, she never got tired of hearing how he would always begin.

‘You know what?’

‘What?’, she would ask waiting for those words.

And he would tell her…

“You’re beautiful!”

Miles between us…

She could imagine him leaving. Just three weeks, he had said, as he kissed her tenderly.  At times like this, she could understand what he often termed as relativity. Even stretch of hours would never seem long with him, they would just turn into sand which slips so fast however hard you try to hold it.

She had thought of seeing him off at the airport but had run away the day before. It was now why she understood goodbyes were so painful, the only consolation at such times is the promise of being together again. She didn’t see it in his eyes, it’s a daring thing to do, but she heard it in his voice, she knew it in her heart.

Memories are important, she realized, watching the blue sky filling up with cotton clouds as she heard the song he had dedicated to her. She understood what they meant when they said…

“The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
but it hurt so bad I can’t take it any longer…”

(P.S-Can anyone please mail me ‘I wanna grow old with you’ by Westlife or pass the link. I can’t get to download it from anywhere…)

Filling vacant spaces…

Watering deserts…

Breaking walls…

Unlocking doors…

Warming numbness…

being this Joker…

at times the Ball…

m tired of it ‘ol